I feel that I should address the issue of my breakup with N since it's a rather confusing but simple issue. Yeah, he initiated the breakup but no, it was mutual. In fact, I think I wanted the breakup more than he did. Simply put, I'm not ready to be in a relationship (the last one dealt a huge blow on me, and now I'm afraid of commitments, call me a Pussy), and coupled with the fact that I think we're not compatible (he thinks so too), I felt that it was utterly selfish of me to be tgt with him still. But I mean, I'm prolly thinking too much into matters that are superficially dire, but I think I know myself well enough to know that we'll prolly not work out. I may be too selfish or critical, but if this is the kind of start I can give him, seriously I cannot imagine just how much effort I would put in for this r/s in the future. I know N knows that too. There're many issues that I'm trying to come to terms with myself, and until I'm more or less feeling settled and ready for another r/s, I'll not jump into another one just like I did. I was in the wrong, and I know I cannot simply right the wrong with any form of justifications. It's just me I guess, I cant even read myself sometimes. I really wish our friendship will last though, N really makes a good companion. Till then, my books are beckoning me.

(Revision's more dire now, and I swear I feel so damn unprepared zzz. I dont know how many times I've said this already but still, I CANT WAIT TO BE BACK IN SG. If there's only one kind of loving I can ever find in this world, it'll be my friends and family back there, and nothing else.)

TATA