I was just IM-ing Janice (sometimes I really wonder how she can be online almost 24/7 while in US, dont need to study or sleep one ah woman?!) after I woke up (at 1pm thank you v much, I only managed to fall asleep at 530am, insomnia kills) and I started telling her my feelings and all, and I think she's really the best person to talk it out with me. She went through the exact same thing and now she's really happy (being single), but I'm not sure if that's what I really want, yet. Can't divulge much here, it's between J and me, but all I can say is that, I really want to be my old self again. I've not been me, and I need all the space and time I need right now to think through what I want to do for myself in future. Cos it's not about anybody else anymore, it's about me. I know this sounds childish and selfish, but seriously, I wouldnt want to lose my dear self while entangling myself in a relationship, I want my lover to love me for who I am.

I love you J, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, but now's the time for me to decide what I want. I hope you understand.